So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i now understand why vodka
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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