Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
