peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
