you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
