Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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