how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
