Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We need a shit load of segways right now
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