pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize