I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
