i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
