just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
