biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
pray to the hookup gods
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
