I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
