Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
