uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
