I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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