I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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