So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
