Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
