Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
