I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
