just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
