i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize