I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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