i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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