Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
