She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
