I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
