Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
this boner is exhausting
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
