my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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