every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
