Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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