Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
