the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
