Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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