I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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