Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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