Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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