Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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