I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
