ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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