I CAN MOONWALK!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this boner is exhausting
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
