I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
