Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): We made it safely. Thanks for the call though. (248): Great. Don't do shady things like that ok? (312): But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all. http://tfl.nu/00eu
  Replies (3) Good night (1183) Bad night (2001)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids http://tfl.nu/0arl
  Replies (11) Good night (1056) Bad night (1227)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  b/c u have herpes

  (310): View more from California

  No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss? (770): b/c u have herpes (310): No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole. http://tfl.nu/unxh
  Replies (19) Good night (1052) Bad night (5537)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex. http://tfl.nu/kgv4
  Replies (5) Good night (2967) Bad night (1283)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers. http://tfl.nu/k6c6
  Replies (26) Good night (6196) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history. http://tfl.nu/28mn
  Replies (12) Good night (2747) Bad night (1066)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you http://tfl.nu/82k6
  Replies (6) Good night (4478) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal. http://tfl.nu/hb9y
  Replies (19) Good night (4649) Bad night (1373)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked. http://tfl.nu/a12i
  Replies (9) Good night (4830) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups. http://tfl.nu/oj47
  Replies (13) Good night (3572) Bad night (1119)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Do you believe in miracles?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker (847): Do you believe in miracles? http://tfl.nu/9830
  Replies (5) Good night (1333) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude. http://tfl.nu/4r57
  Replies (1) Good night (390) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style? (832): You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush. http://tfl.nu/9cao
  Replies (3) Good night (372) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka http://tfl.nu/793g
  Replies (4) Good night (570) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far? http://tfl.nu/cfji
  Replies (0) Good night (395) Bad night (238)

Randomize