I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter