did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way