so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
