is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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