Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
