fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
