Soap is not a condiment
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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