he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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