I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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