why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
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