i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
