You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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