Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
