If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
