I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
