i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
